Extended about
More about us
We spend a good deal of our life online due to being disabled and not having the energy or money to go out as much as we want to. However, we still go out frequently, including to local movie theaters and karaoke, and occasionally live shows. Karaoke is a big part of our personality, and we may post videos of our singing in this server. We plan to eventually perform live tribute shows to our favorite artists locally. We also love nature and going out in it (when we have the energy) and watching wildlife documentaries (when we don't).
We like to draw and write, although we have not been working on that as much lately. A lot of it is motivated by kink or what we find attractive, but some of it is just art of ourselves or writings about our system. We're planning to branch out into more fiction writing, as well as recording (more) original music (our old music project, Late Frequences, is retired since 2022).
We are an intersex cistrans androgynous man, which (for us) means we are intersex in a way where we were born with XY chromosomes and ambiguous genitalia but were altered and raised as a girl, and we are now transitioning away from what has been done to us. Our collective gender is genderqueer male, with specifics varying between headmates.
Many members of the system are therians who turn into their kintypes in-system. Many of them are also petplayers as their theriotype.
Our favorite "social media" service is Neocities and we have an array of personal sites there, the main one of which is here.
In terms of ACTUAL social media, we are Fediverse users, particularly of critter.cafe and denden.world. Our username is localvoid on both. We also have Tumblr (ix-c-999). How much we post about our partners on social media depends on their boundaries.
Preferences
We have very little experience with experiencing romantic attraction, but we seem to be mostly emotionally and aesthetically attracted to people who present alt/goth like we do, especially men who are GNC in a way that isn't exactly feminine but moreso androgynous.
We are also more attracted to people older than ourselves than people younger than us or closer to our own bodily age. This includes attraction to people in older generations than ourselves, which, for us, is emotional as well as physical.
The above are two of the biggest factors in determining our attraction to people, but we are also attracted to people with very kind and caring personalities. Being someone who goes out of your way to be nice to the people around them is attractive to us.
While our main preference is alt people, we are also attracted to when people go out of their way to present themselves in a unique or memorable manner. We also like people who are unapologetically themselves and don't care what others think of them, as we are also that kind of person.
We can also sometimes develop romantic feelings just due to being familiar with someone, liking their company, having good conversations with them, hearing they're attracted to us, and (optionally) having some kind of kink interactions with them, so anyone who considers themself a friendly and pleasant person and is interested in doing kink with someone they might someday date (and who fits the other criteria for dating us) is welcome, as are anyone who might find us attractive.
Everything we've said here about having preferences for how people present themselves applies to how they present themselves in their online presence as well, especially if you're unable to present offline the way you want (e.g. professional reasons).
Commitment
Where it comes to romantic relationships, we have found there is a pressure on their participants to prioritize them over everything else and for people to center their partner in their life.
My system does not subscribe to this view and views romance as what happens when you experience one or more types of attraction at once to someone that make you want to date them or you have feelings for them in a way that feels more akin to traditionally romantic feelings than how you typically experience platonic feelings.
Furthermore, we are fictoromantic, auto-spec, and have in-sys relationships. We view our romantic relationships with ourself, with our headmates, and with our fictional partners to be the ones we prioritize the most. Our QPPs know this and accept this.
Therefore, if we have a romantic partner, we are not necessarily looking for a "life partner" and moreso for a relationship or friendship that has romantic elements (including kink, sex, aesthetic attraction, and/or other types of attraction that aren't necessarily platonic).
That does not mean we would not take the relationship seriously or care about you, though. We would take the relationship as seriously as we take a close friendship. How you feel about that says more about your assumptions about close friendships than it says about us.
Gender
We are a man, and this is important to us, but we are other genders as well and would consider ourselves genderqueer, non-binary, GNC, and multigender among other labels. If someone simplifies our gender, we prefer to be simplified to a man than to a non-binary person. This is in regards to our collective gender; individual genders may be different.
We consider ourselves simultaneously cisgender and transgender, but we do not consider ourselves the same "kind" of trans as most trans men. If you are exclusively T4T, we are outside of your attraction, and we would feel like you were ignoring or mislabeling our intersex identity. At the same time, we are also not the same "kind" of cis as most cis men, either, due to being intersex and having been raised as a girl.
So far, we are only aware of ever having romantic attraction to men. We see trans men, intersex men, detrans men, she/her men, GNC men, genderqueer men, and transfem men as men.
We are not seeking people who predominantly identify as non-binary, but non-binary men are assumed to be within our attraction. Male/masc ALIGNED non-binary people may be within our attraction if they are alright with being referred to with male terminology (e.g. "boyfriend", "my man", etc.)
For systems, it's worth noting that about a third of our system are sapphic (mostly non-binary woman-aligned lesbians), and while most of them are completely satisfied with their in-system relationships, they might be interested in dating the women/fems/etc. of your system if you have lesbians or sapphic people.
Trauma and programming
Our system has PTSD, including from a strict religious upbringing, an angry alcoholic adoptive father, corrective treatments for our intersex condition, the sudden death of our adoptive mother, and a tumultous friendship with someone who eventually killed himself.
We also have trauma from an abuser who was aware we had a system and abused different alters individually, which is part of why our system is so complex. He used the word "programming" for what he was doing, and we consider ourselves a programmed system, extensively and from an early age. We are not dangerous or unpredictable, but we are subject to amnesia, dissociation, and memory flooding.
We have different perspectives on programming than other people might, namely that it doesn't always have to occur in an organized context and that, while it's not inherently a conspiracy, much of what actual programmers do for the past few generations is INFLUENCED by conspiracies. Our programming is a really big deal to us but we know how to socialize without obsessing over it.
A lot of our attraction and our system's splits are influenced by our programming and our abuse. In particular, we are attracted to people who are similar to people who abused us (e.g. older people), introjects of or people similar to figures used in our abuse (e.g. David Bowie characters), or types of people we were conditioned to be attracted to (e.g. GNC men).
There's a good chance we'd be attracted to a system who had the same main programming as us, which was based on stories about fictionalized versions of rock stars, but we don't actively expect to meet one. While we won't get into the particulars here, we're pretty open about our experience, so you'll end up learning about it through hearing us talk.
Disorders
We also have autism, agoraphobia, BPD, DPD, AVPD, and schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type). We are on medication and in therapy, and we consider ourselves to have our disorders reasonably well managed.
We would prefer to date someone who could relate to our experiences in some way, either with trauma or mental illness. To an extent, I feel we could only be compatible with someone who was traumatized or mentally ill.
However, it would be vital that you felt you were managing your conditions, had them under control, or were able to keep them from becoming my problem. There is a fine line between a normal amount of support for a partner and catering to someone who makes you emotionally take care of them. I will not be anybody's personal caretaker.
This is not to say I will not readily support you, though, because I do genuinely like being able to take care of a partner, in whatever ways I can. I'd be honored if my support were your first line of defense for difficult things, it just can't be your ONLY line of defense.
We are a polysubstance addict and have no plans to cut back or get clean. We specifically use, in order of frequency, weed, kratom, alcohol, and benzodiazepines. We are high most of the time but come off as completely coherent to the people around us, and we consider ourselves to have our behavior entirely under control.
Self-shipping
Self-shipping and fictosexuality are important to our system. Our main fictional partner, Troy, is an OC who is a fictionalized version of Trent Reznor, and we are also dating Thomas Jerome Newton from The Man Who Fell to Earth.
Due to the history we have with these characters and the fact that they're literally always here for us, we would still have important relationships with them while dating you. This is not because we don't think you're enough, this is because you are you and our F/Os are them.
While we've never had the opportunity to try this before, we think we'd be happiest if our romantic partner were someone who shared our F/Os or at least was also attracted to them. However, we understand our main F/O from published media is considered somewhat obscure, and we might not know how to share some of our OC F/Os with someone who didn't have the same history with them that we have.
It might help to pay attention to how we talk about our F/Os, what we like about them, what we do with them, etc. as a lot of our self-ships are reflective of what we actually want in some way.
Kink
Our system has a kink site called Tear Down My Reasons that has a list of our kinks and some of our thoughts on kink. Here is the list so you know what kinks I'm talking about in this section.
We find it difficult to consistently engage with kink over the internet, partly due to a trauma history involving online kink. However, we usually view romance through the lens of kink, which is elaborated upon on this page.
It's impossible to say if our system collectively leans towards submission or Dominance, because there are so many headmates with different preferences. It would therefore be preferred to date a switch or a system with a mix of preferences as well. Some of our kinks, such as feedism and gender play, do not necessarily have a "Dom" or a "sub" in them, either.
The easiest kink for us to engage in currently is a mix of feedism and gender play, often involving a fantasy scenario of waking up in a different, heavier, more feminine body. Not all headmates have this kink, but the ones who do have it strongly. This kink, however, does not need to be part of a romantic relationship with us, nor does kink in general.
One notable thing about us that isn't necessarily kink but that can be related is that we have a lot of therians, especially hamsters and rats, who enjoy being a pet animal. This is connected to petplay and can express itself through kink, but it also has to do with otherkin.
We are ace-spec and do not care for most concepts of sex, especially penetrative. Some members of the system do enjoy certain acts of physical intimacy while naked, such as cuddling or kissing someone's body, and they consider this sexual. We've never tried to engage in this with someone online, so we're not sure how we would do that, but we're okay with trying some kind of sexual activity online within the realm of what we are comfortable with doing.
Interests
A lot of our interests revolve around old things and the past. We like older movies and music, or things made in older styles. We like animals and nature, as well as prehistoric life. We like outer space and history but have trouble memorizing a lot about them sometimes.
We are interested in online subcultures and aesthetics and like learning about how these things originate and what people do with them. We run a build-a-headmate blog and an ID pack blog, which we consider interests of ours.
We use Twine (a text-based game engine) to make personal databases of information, such as about our own system (as an alternative to SimplyPlural) or about our self-ships (including a fictionalized journal of our life we keep involving Troy). We talk about these often, as they are a hobby.
While we struggle with this sometimes due to disordered eating, we like food, cooking, and baking. We struggle with playing video games as well but enjoy a few RPG Maker games and Twine games, as well as The Binding of Isaac and Don't Starve; we have Don't Starve Together. If you talk about video games a lot and make them a big part of your personality, we will not hold it against you, but we will not be able to relate to you meaningfully on that interest.
We enjoy darker interests, such as extreme horror media, darker kinks, and even sometimes true crime, but we engage in these more sparingly due to knowing they can have a negative effect on us.
It would be really nice if a person we dated had a lot of interests in common with us, but we don't find that many people online who like the same interests, or like them as much as we do.
Religion
Our system has a mix of religions and spiritualities in it, but collectively, we are an agnostic Satanist Kemeticist Void Worshipper.
The agnostic part means we don't know for sure if our entities are real, but we prefer to believe they are and live as though they are.
The Satanist part means we have a belief system that centers Satan/Lucifer and sees these two entities as two sides of the same coin, both of them worthy of reverence. Satan is a figure of worldly pleasure and knowledge to us, and Lucifer is a figure of spiritual knowledge and enlightenment.
The Kemeticist part means we worship the ancient Egyptian gods and that we try to follow the beliefs of the ancient Egyptians, not just praying to the same gods as them. We believe in Ma'at, a value of ancient Egyptian society that translates to justice, balance, or order.
The Void Worshipper part means we worship the Void, an entity we have been in conscious contact with since 2015 that represents simultaneous everythingness and nothingness, and therefore everything that both exists and does not exist. This means it represents all possibilities and anything that can be imagined.
Misc
We consider ourselves alt but don't tend to label it beyond that. We wear a battle jacket all the time, dark makeup, and mismatched earrings. People have told us we look like Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd, at least when we're not wearing makeup. We post pictures of ourself in the server somewhat often.
Aesthetic attraction is a major part of romantic attraction to us, but we know we might not necessarily be aesthetically attracted to people who are aesthetically attracted to us, while potentially being attracted to them in other ways.
It's very possible that a relationship with us will involve some kind of mismatch of feelings - for example, you feel romantically about us and we feel platonically about you. I am okay with considering these to be romantic relationships but will label them however you feel most comfortable with.
We would like to try puppyplay and explore our domesticated dog kintype more, but this is difficult for us due to having canine programming.
We are not afraid of setting boundaries and cutting off people when need be, especially if they seem like a danger to us.
We don't mind pet names, but they feel incredibly unnatural for us to use, and you'll have to tell us if you actively want us to use them on you, and it might take getting used to.
If you join this server, we'd like it if you DM'ed us, too. This isn't a DM's server, but since my system always proxies in DM's, we can talk either in Discord's DMs with members' names at the start of messages in
We are currently in the process of pursuing top surgery to remove the breasts we have partly as a result of our intersex condition and partly from being forced through a certain type of puberty. We will likely post pictures of our body in this server after surgery.